The coolest effing...

I have the coolest effing mothers, ever

• a box FULL of brownies, and nothing but brownies, and not some skinny whimpy box, but a big effing box
• a box with girl scout cookies (I'm talking thin mints people), york patties (the big effing patties, not the little wussy ones), wedding photos! (the wedding was in october, i haven't seen them yet), and tampons (you know you've been in the desert too long when you get excited about tampons in a care package, but you know what? I have my favorite tampons and I don't have to settle for whatever crap i can scrounge up at the PX. It's the simple things in life that are keeping me sane.)
• all the love, affection and support I could ever need. not to mention vanity plates for my car so they will be there when I get home. and every other little thing that i need or want
  
• they have made me the coolest effing person in the office with my boxes of brownies and cookies. I have never been the coolest person anywhere before, ever. not even in a room with only myself. But now i have brownies and girl scout cookies and a whole office full of guys that worship me. Take that you high-school bimbos.
• I LOVE YOU GUYS!
  

I have the coolest effing brother, EVER! Yes, it is a pink hawaiian shirt. And he's smiling. Need I say more?I have the prettiest effing wedding pictures, EVER! I don't care how much you spent on your wedding, my pictures are still prettier. Yes, that was the sky that night. Yes, we are on a beach. And that's only the first CD, suckers.

I have the best effing husband in the world. I love him, what can I say?